What Daily Self-Care Looks Like for a Caregiver

Laura Smothers-Chu is a certified senior advisor and certified dementia practitioner. She is also the creator and founder of Befriended Heart, a resource for long-distance caregivers for people with dementia. Here, she shares in her own words what it’s like to be a long-distance caregiver and how she prioritizes self-care in her own life.

I was 28 years old when my father was diagnosed with dementia. It came as a shock. Everyone else my age was focused on advancing in their careers or getting married; none of my friends were going through something similar.

I lived—and now, 10 years later, still live—almost four hours away from my parents. After the diagnosis, I started Googling around for resources for long-distance caregivers. What I found was…not much. The vast majority of resources for caregivers are focused on people who live with the person who needs help. The only advice I was finding for caregivers who live outside of the home was to help financially if possible and to do research. I also came up short when it came to finding support groups for caregivers living outside of the home.

Being a caregiver who lives with the person needing help is immensely challenging. There’s no doubt about that. But being a long-distance caregiver—which I define as someone who lives outside the home of the person who needs help—is challenging in its own ways too. Often, there’s a sense of guilt and helplessness. In both instances, caregiving can be emotionally draining.

Related: From Journaling to Taking Time Off, Here Are 15 Habits Happy Caregivers Swear By

When my dad was first diagnosed, I started educating myself as much about dementia as possible. That way, I could know what to expect in terms of what his symptoms might look like down the road. This knowledge became key in terms of planning for the future and navigating crises as they came up, especially since my mom was not yet ready to accept my dad’s diagnosis.