The worst thing is when people say to me, ‘my kid would never do that’

Not the schoolyard, type, however.

“The biggest bullies for my kids are adults,” the Melbourne mum tells Kidspot.

“Lachlan would have meltdowns in public when he was little and people would say things like, ‘Oh, he just needs a good clip around the ear’.

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“The worst thing that stays with me is when people say to me, ‘My kid would never do that’. That’s really hard to hear. My kids are well behaved, they just struggle with a few things. These people just have no clue.”

RELATED: Parents waiting as long as two years for Autism and ADHD diagnosis

“Lachlan couldn’t stop speaking and was extremely hyper”

While their behaviours vary greatly, Lachlan, 17, and Jesse, 11, have both been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and are on opposite sides of that spectrum.

“Lachlan couldn’t stop speaking and was extremely hyper, with a lot of meltdowns,” the 44-year-old mum says of his telltale symptoms.

“With my younger son, he was completely different. He would be angry and smash things, couldn’t pay attention to anything for more than a second, and would jump up and down and not stop moving. If you talk to him his eyes would go off elsewhere.”

Through her self-education into ADHD and how to help her boys, Rebecca discovered she also showed typical characteristics of the neurodiverse condition and received her own validating diagnosis. 

Her husband and the boys’ stepdad, Rhys, also recently became diagnosed.

“I have emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitivity, and distractibility – my brain is always trying to focus on multiple things at once,” the mum-of-two says.

“I was living in chaos to try to stay on top of everything. I was so focused on the kids but as many mums do, I pushed myself to the side but one day I thought, ‘I really need to set a good example and get myself diagnosed’. 

“Getting the confirmation is so empowering, because all those things I’ve struggled with aren’t me. It’s not because I’m a failure. There is a natural reason and it’s absolutely life changing.”

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“They give you a diagnosis but then there is no support after that”

From the very beginning, Rebecca has had to be her family’s strongest advocate for treatment and management of ADHD.

“What’s really sad is that they give you a diagnosis but then there is no support after that,” she says.

“I discovered that art therapy and music therapy are so important for kids who are dysregulated, but the paediatricians never tell you that.”

Both Lachlan and Jesse (as well as Rhys) are medicated for ADHD, and Rebecca says the changes in them have all been “life changing”.

“For Jesse, it made a massive difference to him and everything he was able to do,” she says.

“There’s so much stigma around medication and there shouldn’t be. If it was epilepsy, you wouldn’t hesitate to medicate. I would have been on them, too, but I’ve tried them all and I’m one of the rare people who don’t respond to it.”

RELATED: Parents of boy with ADHD and autism warn neighbours he’ll damage their car

“The average family can’t afford any help”

Both Lachlan and Jesse have occupational, speech and art therapies, with the equivalent cost of those being a massive $600-$900 per week.

Owning a therapy centre since 2021, Rebecca knows how fortunate she is to be able to provide these services for her sons, when she otherwise wouldn’t be able to afford it.

“There is no support or funding for ADHD which is so sad,” she says.

“The average family can’t afford any help.”

Rebecca says schools also have a long way to go in understanding the needs of children with ADHD – including the mainstream one Jesse attends.

“At the last parent conference, his teacher just said, ‘He needs to focus harder’,” she recalls frustratingly.

“And I said, ‘You know he’s ADHD, yeah?’ Then he said, ‘If he could just sit still …’ And I said, ‘Again, it’s his ADHD’.”

“Many parents are waiting for the teachers to tell them their child has ADHD, but teachers have no training so they can’t do that. Parents need to equip themselves with the knowledge and take that into their school and show them.”

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“The biggest trigger for someone with ADHD is that fear of rejection”

For Rebecca, the biggest help to her family, including herself, has been implementing daily strategies.

“The biggest trigger for someone with ADHD is that fear of rejection, so I focus on success for all of us,” she explains.

“If the kids get one thing wrong and one thing right, I praise them on what they got right, because that will drive them. The more success they feel, the more capacity they have to feel better about themselves. If they do get angry, instead of reprimanding them, I tell them, ‘I know you’re struggling’ and that really slows it down. They feel more supported.”

Rebecca is the founder of My Spirited Child, an online hub for support and information for the neurodivergent community, as well as the owner of a therapy centre in Melbourne.

She also creates conferences held around Australia for parents, carers and educators.

She also recommends parents read ‘The Explosive Child’ by Ross W. Greene.

Originally published as The worst thing is when people say to me, ‘my kid would never do that’