The Job Keanu Reeves Should Sign On For After John Wick: Chapter 4 – Looper Staff Manifests

Mr. Reeves — Keanu, if I may — you’re probably a big fan of Looper, and you picked the right article to click on. I know you’re one of the biggest stars in the world and have your pick of projects to choose from, including some major high-profile franchises. But could I interest you in a low-budget zombie comedy that’s sure to sweep the indie market written by a small-time entertainment news writer?

The movie’s called “Kill the Dead,” and boy, do I have the role for you. It’s about a group of four teenage nerds who are initially excited when the zombie apocalypse breaks out because they think they know everything to survive this. Unfortunately, everything they know about zombies from movies and books turns out to be completely ineffective against this horde of the undead, so they have to start from square one. Now no offense, but you’re a little too old to play one of the teenagers; however, there’s this character of Judah I think you’d be great for.

One of the nerds works at an arcade, and Judah is his very relaxed boss. He gets plenty of one-liners and even some action sequences featuring a samurai sword, allowing you to show off what you learned through the “John Wick” series. But don’t just take my word for it; here’s what a Black List script reader had to say, “KILL THE DEAD features a promising, high-concept premise, and the consistent, metatextual zombie movie allusions manage to succeed thanks to the author’s impressive knowledge of the genre. The project’s gore is satisfyingly grotesque and worthy, and the narrative’s pace and economy are to be admired.”

Anyway, feel free to shoot me a message on Twitter (link in my bio). Let’s make dump trucks full of money together.