Sinister reason behind mum’s depression

Fiona Stubbings has been depressed for half of her adult life. And for the other half, she’s been happy, thriving and connected.

What makes her story different is that the depressed half of her life and the happy part of her life have lived side-by-side. For two weeks of every month, things are great – and then for the other two, all hell breaks loose.

“The depression was the hardest to deal with,” the 48-year-old mother-of-two tells news.com.au podcast I Swear I Never, “because, you know, for a couple of weeks of my life, I was happy, I was normal, I felt good. And then for a couple of weeks I had suicidal ideation, thinking, ‘I don’t want to be here anymore, this is too hard.’”

Fiona suffers from something called premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). It’s a health problem similar to premenstrual syndrome (PMS) but more serious and extreme, causing severe irritability, depression or anxiety in the week or two before your period starts. It started as soon as Fiona began menstruating at just 11 years old.

“There were a lot of really disruptive thinking patterns,” Fiona says, “but as soon as my period came, everything was OK again, all the things that were awful would be OK again.

“And so I just rode this rollercoaster of being really depressed and raging at people, and then feeling great again. It wasn’t until I read an article in my late twenties about PMDD, and I was like, oh, my God, I have this. This is me, this is what’s wrong with me.”

Over the years, Fiona has explored a number of treatment options. She began by taking the contraceptive pill, thinking it may help balance her hormones, but the results were catastrophic.

“It nearly killed me,” she says plainly. “Because PMDD is about sensitivity to hormonal changes, the pill just wasn’t sophisticated enough to deal with the issues. It actually made things 100 per cent worse. I was raging, I was suicidal, I was really, really angry when I went on the pill – and I tried a few of them. In the end, I just said to my doctor, ‘I’ll just use condoms. I’m not doing this.’ It was just too scary.”

Both of Fiona’s pregnancies also exacerbated her PMDD symptoms, the second one to the extent that she found herself suicidal.

“I didn’t tell a soul these things which is really worrying,” she says.

“It’s worrying that women don’t feel like they can talk about this stuff. But there’s a lot of shame around that as well, and I guess you could say I felt a lot of shame for even thinking – for even feeling it.”

Survey data from 2019 reveals 30 per cent of women diagnosed with PMDD reported attempts to end their own lives, but with studies suggesting it can take an average of 20 years for a woman’s symptoms to be accurately diagnosed, it’s difficult to put a precise number on how many lives the disorder might claim in the shadows.

For Fiona, her official diagnosis came earlier this year – and she says it’s changed everything.

“I did some research and I found a Facebook group for PMDD patients,” Fiona says, “and I found Professor John Eden, who has been an expert in this field for decades. He’s got a six-month wait, but I finally went and saw him. And it was just such a relief. He said, ‘Yes, you’ve got PMDD. And yes, I can help you. And here’s a three-stage plan.’

“It was unbelievable really, and just so validating to finally have someone acknowledge what you’ve been through.”

These days Fiona, a social worker and mindset coach, is passionate about helping other women access the information and support that has helped her through her diagnosis.

If you or someone you know is struggling (or thinks a PMDD diagnosis might be on the cards) email Fiona at [email protected] to join an online support group she runs.

Hear more about Fiona’s story on the I Swear I Never podcast.