Ask Amy: A guilty guy ponders a late apology

Dear Amy: Years ago, I had an affair with the wife of a good friend (and co-worker).

The affair ended my marriage, but somehow they managed to hold theirs together. They are still together today.

Even though we all live in the same city our paths very seldom cross, but when they have, we all act like we don’t even know each other. We have not exchanged one word since the affair ended.

I truly would like to apologize for the role that I played in this mess but am unsure about whether that would be a helpful thing at this point.

I don’t know what bringing this subject back up after all this time might do to their relationship. This thought has left me unable to move forward with an apology.

Do you think that writing a letter of apology to both of them would be appropriate?

– Guilty Guy

Dear Guilty: I don’t think writing a letter of apology is necessarily appropriate, but this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.

You should very carefully interrogate your reasons for wanting to do this, and walk through the possible unintended consequences to this couple.

In short, who are you doing this for? Delivering an apology could definitely help you, but is there any way this could help them?

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