Neale Whitaker is a presenter and interior designer who is best known for being a former judge on The Block. The 61-year-old shares how he didn’t have a big coming out, what his poster of Diana Ross meant to him as a pre-teen and having a civil ceremony before same-sex marriage was legalised.
“My first kiss was with a girl called Pamela. I thought it strange that she had the same name as my mum.”
My maternal grandmother, Margaret, was a big influence on my life, a kindred spirit to an extent even more so than my own mother. She was a simple lady, well-read, played the piano and loved the arts and all things cultural. Her home was a treasure trove of old photos, sheet music and books.
My paternal grandmother, Clare, was a frail lady; she was involved in a bad car accident in the 1950s, before I was born. She was a great cook and made a great meat pie. She loved a gin and tonic with a cigarette.
My mum, Pam, became a widow at 41, and was left to raise three sons. [London-born Neale has two brothers: Stephen, four years older, and John, four years younger.] She was incredibly capable and determined. Losing Dad so young was an awful blow. She made sure we maintained the life we had when Dad was alive. I don’t know how she did it physically, emotionally and financially. She died in 1995, aged 60. I’m now 61, so I’ve been around longer than both of my parents. It puts things into perspective.
My mother and I didn’t always see eye to eye. She had strong opinions and was quite right wing with her politics. She saw the world her way and that was that; if you didn’t agree, tough luck. She was a damn good mother, but not flexible in her attitudes. I never had the big coming out, but it became obvious to her that I was gay and perhaps I wouldn’t produce grandchildren.
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Mum was a product of her era, born in 1935. I can’t pretend she was happy that I was gay, but she came around. I tried to see life through her lens and she through mine. We made peace before she passed away.
My first kiss was with a girl called Pamela at 13. I thought it strange that she had the same name as my mum – it seemed like an old-fashioned name for a young girl. We went on a date, had a cup of tea and a snog. I came back on the train a changed man!
At age 12, when other kids had posters of footy players or Bruce Lee above their bed, I had one of Diana Ross. It didn’t mean anything sexually to me; it was all about the music.
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