Q: My childhood was difficult, largely due to my father being an alcoholic. Now that I’m out of college and on my own, I’m concerned about how that past could affect me as an adult. Do you have insights or advice?
Jim: I know what it’s like to grow up under painful and dysfunctional family dynamics, so I applaud your courage in wanting to proactively confront your own challenges.
Many children of alcoholics have difficulty expressing their feelings. Simply to survive, they’ve learned to insulate themselves against the pain of their environment by stuffing emotions like sadness and anger. Also, they often have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility (i.e., “it’s all on me”), which grows from the necessity of caring for a drunken parent and emotionally supporting other family members during the hard times. These character traits might have been useful in their original setting — but can often become liabilities affecting relationships later in life.
Another issue can be relating to authority figures. But this can take contrasting forms — one individual might develop a highly rebellious attitude, while another becomes a “people pleaser,” unable to assert themselves even when they’re clearly being taken advantage of. They may also be terrified of abandonment and cling to negative relationships even in abusive circumstances.
For these and other reasons, adult children of alcoholics may become substance-addicted themselves or end up marrying alcoholics. Even if they don’t, they may have extreme Type A personalities and display workaholic tendencies.
Of course, this description doesn’t fit every person who grows up in an alcoholic home. Each individual and situation is unique. The good news is that there is effective help available, and our staff counselors would be pleased to help point you in the right direction. Please call them at 855-771-HELP (4357). I wish you all the best.
Q: I’ve noticed that it’s difficult for my kids to be truly grateful. How can I help them develop a spirit of gratitude in our home?
Dr. Danny Huerta, Vice President, Parenting & Youth: Culture tends to train us to be consumers, so you are rowing upstream as you teach your kids what it means to be thankful. But this is a foundational component to one of the most important traits for your kids — humility.
Teaching kids how to be grateful involves tweaks to their attitudes and perceptions. But something special starts to happen when gratitude becomes a habit in your family. Here are some quick tips on ways to begin instilling gratitude within the culture of your home:
Model Gratitude — How do you show gratitude in your day-to-day life? I love to tell my teens that “life is a gift you get to unwrap one day at a time.” What if you modeled looking at life through a lens of gratitude?
Do Some Gratitude Activities Together — Daily activities can provide your kids with opportunities to experience gratitude visually and tangibly.
Gratitude Photo Album — Have your kids take pictures of things they are grateful for throughout the day, week, month or year. Then consider sharing during a mealtime or display the photos in a photo album.
Gratitude Poster Board — Challenge your kids to think of one thing they are thankful for each day of the month. Commit to writing these things on a poster board in your home and make it a challenge to not duplicate any of the gratitude entries. At the end of the month, let your children plan a gratitude party for the whole family.
To learn more about gratitude, go to FocusOnParenting.com. There you can also explore the 7 Traits of Effective Parenting, which outline how to make gratitude a part of your healthy home culture.
========
Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.
Copyright 2022 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)
Copyright 2022 Focus on the Family. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Focus on the Family.
For more latest Health News Click Here